You, Me or only We? The Architecture of Love.

Life is all about making choices. From the most trivial ones when we hesitate what to have for breakfast to the ones that make us filled with ongoing stress and panic: What college to choose from? What professional area should I develop myself in? Should I buy a flat or rent one? When is the right moment to have kids? On top of that, there is the so-called icing on the cake: the choice between your sense of personal freedom and the right to pursue your dreams and Babes, Sweetheart, Hon’Bun, Pumpkin.

At first, it seems that there is no issue whatsoever. The “love hormon” works its magic and you dive into the abyss of love, giving away most of your time, commitment, attention to your partner as he or she becomes a new reference in the universe. And so it begins.

“Me and Honey do this and that.”

“Me and Babes are having some plans. I am not sure if I can make it for the meeting this Friday.”

“My company wants to send me for some half-a-year training to Italy but me and Hon’Bun are not good at long-distance relationship”

“I am tempted to set off on a longer journey but Sweetie and I have some obligations, we cannot leave just like that”

“All right, and what about YOU? What is your passion? What do you dream about? How do you picture yourself in 5 years?”

“Well, you know. Babes and I have not talked about it yet. WE do not make such long-term plans”

Sounds familiar? Is it just me here or too often we lose the right proportions in relationships of how much in the combination of WE is you and me. Do not get me wrong. I do not mean to preach any feminist manifestos. I agree that Love can inspire us to reach for the things that we would simply run out from if not for the support and appreciation of a partner. But for God’s sake, I do not agree to burn at the stake my life aspirations, dreams in the name of Love.

I think that regardless of how much space you need in a relationship (everyone has different needs), you should never rely solely on the harbor of WE as you should give as much care (or even more) to cultivate your dreams, passions in your very-owned garden. I urge you, let us not be entirely domesticated and tamed. Each of us is an individual entity that needs to develop in its own way and at its own pace. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to reach the state of self-fulfillment when desperately clinging to partner because sooner or later, you or she/he will want to impose their pace and style of march. As a result, there is always someone who loses. The question that arises is: What for? The whole trick is to learn to be together without the need to abandon yourself.

As a final thought, let me quote “The Alchemist”:

“You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend.  If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love.”

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